Snow for Christmas!

For the first time since 1918 -- it snowed -- and stuck to the ground (on Christmas) in South Texas. Our estimate is that we got around 10-14 inches between the afternoon of Christmas eve and 4 am on Christmas day. That might not sound like alot to most people that actually get snow during normal winter months...but for here...it's absolutely amazing.

As sick as we all still were, we played in the snow. My oldest loved daughter loved it and learned very quickly how to make snowballs. Good for her, bad for us; no where was safe! The younger 2 kids liked the snow for about 5 seconds and then they got smart and went back into the house to play with their new toys.

The hubby just cursed me over and over again, telling me that if I ever wished for that "white shit" again, he'd kick my ass. I proceeded to sing, "Let it Snow" and "Dreaming of a White Christmas" for the rest of the day.

A pic from out in the pasture...

*Ugh*

I don't know how clear this post will be. My brain seems to be on vacation. For those of you who think that's nothing new.....I hope Santa gives your presents to the neighbor.

Last weekend my oldest daughter was sickly. She never actually got sick...just extremely tired. Well, by Friday, the other 2 ended up the same way -- except they ARE sick. With lots of little extras to go with the fatigue. What a fun weekend it's been.

I thought I was doing good. But last night, I had that *feeling*. The one you get when you're about to get sick. I woke up this morning, expecting the worst, but was just tired...as usual. As the day went on, I just couldn't seem to get moving. Now, it's too much of an effort to blink.

So, if you don't hear from me for a few days...I've climbed into bed and couldn't manage to get back out.

When did it become our right?

It breaks my heart to hear someone say, "You have to love yourself first..."; then turn around and point to someone else and say, "God, look at her/him, can you believe -fill in the blank-". Just how two-faced is that? No wonder we wonder if our friends are actually being honest with us.

When did it become our right to judge someone because of how they talk, how they dress, what they believe in, how many cars they have or don't have, what neighborhood they live in or where they don't, where they work or where they don't, how they have more or less than we do, how he or she should just do this or that, how they'd be so much happier if they were on a diet or how if they'd just gain a little weight....I could go on and on.

We're all guilty of it...but why? Why must we be that way? Why can't we just accept people the way they are without trying to change them or judging them for being who they are?

The next time you think of doing it.....STOP, and think about this. They might be perfectly happy just the way they are...

Except that by judging them...you're cutting them out of your world, someone who just could have been the greatest love of your life or the best friend you could ever have asked for.

Ok, my complaining is done for the day. Carry on.

Is it just me...

Or do people complain way to fucking much? Ok, so this post is a bit ironic. 'Cause I'm about to complain. Oh well. Don't like it...you can go away now.

I spent the entire weekend dealing with complaints. In the time that I should have been writing and working, I was dealing with other people's feelings and trying to smooth things over. Some things, I admit, I didn't give a flying fuck one way or the other if those feelings were spared.

If you're a member of my group and you're reading this. I'm sorry. I just have to vent...and this is a better place for it...for me, at least. At least I won't have to have a debate over what I'm feeling and whether it's right or wrong.

If you're not a member of my group and don't know what's going on...I'm sorry. You're welcome to join and read up. Just don't complain to me...at least for a week or so until my *bitch self* goes back into her corner.

I started my group as a place where I could beta my work. It was a quiet group at first, 18 people joined from another board I was on, and their feedback and comments meant the world to me. After some encouragement from them, I started posting the story to Nifty. Boy, the numbers came up quickly and since those 18 members in January of this year...my membership stands at about 1060 members.

Eventually people joined up that liked to chat and share jokes and pictures and stuff. I fully and completely encouraged that, (still do) and I vowed that there would never be anything that was "off-topic". I didn't care if you were sending in "Aunt Mabel's Famous Pumpkin Pie recipe" or a pics of hot naked men...it was readily accepted. Anything was allowed as long as there were no attacks on other members of the group.

My friend, my twin sister at heart, and my moderator sent in a post that was nothing but a "group hug". One person got in a big tissy over that and posted what I considered a rude and retaliatory comment and just went on and on, basically berating her in front of those 1060 people. Acceptable -- Not bloody likely. It pissed me off.

For one, because someone was attacking someone else who I love dearly. For another, because the person who did it was someone I thought I'd connected with on some level. I was so disappointed in that kind of behavior. And then, I was pissed with myself because I trusted in him and his ability to behave enough to take him off of moderated status before it was his time. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Now, there are people who post and say, "I don't know if this is ok..." or "I don't want to offend anyone with this..." And now, when I can't approve a post the minute it hits the board, people worry that they've said something they shouldn't have thinking the post has been deleted.

It bloody pisses me off that he's introduced that worry into my group, that people now wonder if they are doing something wrong by sharing or posting. He sent me an email later on saying, "you didn't post my last message before I left the group".

Hell no I didn't post it. Did he think I was going to let him post that and leave the group so he wouldn't have to listen to the responses? He must think I'm such an angel. I might claim it, but when you get me pissed off, you're looking at more of a demon than anything else. I am not proud to admit it, but I hold grudges. Probably for alot longer than people can remember what they pissed me off about or what we fought about.

Some people have this, "I'm right, I'm always right, and you're damned if you don't think so" attitude and it just pisses me off to no end.

I do have one exception to that one though. I have a friend that likes to be right all of the time, and there are lots of things we disagree on, but we know where to leave it. We know when not to let it interfere with our friendship and we'll both back down. Politics and the election was a tricky time for us, because we had opposite beliefs, but it ended up ok. You know who you are, hon, and if you're reading this...know that I love you :-)

This situation has got me to thinking.....

There is so much going on in the world right now; so much hate, war, crime, hunger, poverty, prejudice, sickness -- I could go on and on. But it really makes me wonder about people when they start complaining about the things that are so trivial in nature. Things that aren't going to end the world. Things that are nothing more than slightly annoying.

Damned ISP's...

I apologize in advance, this is a whiny post...

Recently, the owner of my ISP took the time out of his oh-so-busy schedule to email me and let me know that I'd been using too many hours of my unlimited service. He wanted to know if I could cut down my usage in order to help him save $$. In order to help me accomplish that, he interrupted my service for 2 days.

Not only did he interrupt my dail-up access, (Yes, I said dial-up. I live in the middle of BFE, what do you expect?) he cut off access to my email and to all customer service points of their system. So, not yet knowing what the problem was, I called customer service. The guy at customer service, (now named 'Kenny with the sexy voice') did tell me that the owner had suspended my account, but had locked everyone out of seeing why. He also told me that the owner was out of town. Great.

While all of this was happening, I signed up for a trial subscription to MSN. Their dial-up really is unlimited, but I absolutely cannot stand using webmail. I like all of my mail downloaded and saved, put in its respective folders. While I can download MSN mail into my Outlook, it just isn't the same. I think I'm going to keep looking for another provider.

Since I could connect to the internet again though, I went looking at my old ISP's site, trying to find the Terms of Use agreement. I ripped through that thing, trying to see if there was something I'd missed about hours and usage, but everything just pointed me to unlimited service. And, according to the Terms of Use, the owner breached his own part of the contract by suspending my account.

The owner and I have since traded some interesting emails and he offered to let me keep my email address for my troubles, as long as I don't use their dial-up service, and it would only cost me $3.95 a month. That would be taken off of the 6 months that I still have left of my yearly subscription. That sucks too...cause their mail server won't allow me to send mail while I'm connected to MSN or another dial-up service.

I just feel shafted about the whole thing. The company advertises unlimited dial-up and usage. In fact, the name of their company is "----- Unlimited". I think the owner is striding into false advertisement territory, and have told him as much. He gets defensive and tells me that's his right. Maybe so. I still think he's in the wrong.

*sigh*

Oh well, if anyone sent me an email to my regular email address and I haven't emailed you back, now you know why. I never got it and you're more than welcome to re-send. As of now, some of the messages that I send are still being delayed either by a couple of hours or even days. One of these days I'll get it all straightened out...one of these days I'll move to where there's DSL access. Woohoo!

Dirty thoughts...

I picked up my daughter from the school bus this afternoon. I'm perched on the 4wheeler, writing some outline things for a chapter into my notebook, when the bus pulls up. I look up from writing and I swear, I could not keep my jaw from dropping.

The driver was HOT! I mean, stepped out of the pages of International Male or GQ ...HOT!

He smiles and waves and I have to force myself not to slide off the 4wheeler into a quivering mass of jello. We trade a few words while my daughter is climbing onto the 4wheeler. As it turns out, he's got this low, sexy, husky voice that just gives fuel to dreams of hot, sweaty, sex.

I sit there for a moment, watching him drive away and then ask my daughter. "Who was that?"

She says, "Oh, that's Mr. ----"

And I say, "But he's not your normal driver."

She laughs and says, "No, he's the high school principal. He was just driving us today because Mr. ---- was sick."

"Ooooh, I see." I get caught up in the thoughts of his voice again and wonder how come WE never had a hot Principal.

She then punches me on the shoulder and says, "I know, he's hot, right?"

"Oh shut up."

She giggles incessantly and I'm tempted to make her get off and walk the mile home. Little shit. I'm going to have to watch that one!

By the way...

I will reiterate that I am happily married. But just 'cause I'm married...doesn't mean I'm dead!! When a gorgeous guy crosses my path, damn it, I'm going to fucking look. Or drool, or wish, or think dirty, nasty thoughts....!!

I am a mean, evil...

Bitch. Or at least my cat thinks so. She used to lounge at the edge of my desk throughout the day, now she doesn't want to be in the same room with me.

I gave the little shit a bath this morning, because after getting out of the house the other day, she suddenly came up with a few fleas. By mid-point thoughout the process it sounded, and kind of felt, like I was trying to hold down a mountain lion. Never knew the little 7 pound bitch could be so strong!

Had I come across this wonderful set of instructions, it might have gone much better.

Ah well, maybe next time...

Calendars for 2005

The calendars are all coming out for 2005 and DAMN some of them are smokin' hot!! It does seem to me that wet is somewhat of a theme. Several of the calendars I've come across have had men in water, men under waterfalls, men in showers.

But I think that no matter how many calendars I come across, none elicit more of a response (no, not that kind) than Jeff Palmer's work. His Temptation 2005 calendar is a sure winner.

Jeff is, without a doubt, my absolute favorite photographer of male nudes. He's got men photographed alone as well as in couples. His work is sensual, erotic, raw, honest, romantic...just beautiful. If you've never seen any of his work...check it out. You won't regret it!

This is definitely not a complete list, but here are some other calendars I've found interesting so far:

Cowboys by James Franklin -- who doesn't like cowboys?!?

Diex Du Stade 2005 - French Rugby Team

Dreams by John Falocco

FDNY Firefighters

On the Couch by Tom Bianchi -- Tom's another awesome photographer

Reichen by Kal Lee

365 Dicks a Year -- ok, so this one is purely the perv in me.

Distractions....

There are distractions...and then there are distractions.

I wish for a distraction like this every damned day...



Ooh, to be right in the middle!! I'd SO take one for the team :-)

The French Rugby Team...photo from the Dieux Du Stade Calendar photo session, but I don't know if it's the '04 or '05 calendar. Special thanks to Mark and Michelle!! You two have made my weekend!

Okies, those of you who only wanted to look at the pic can go now, LOL!

---

Unfortunately, my distractions run more toward the mundane.

I'll be in the middle of a hot scene ...."I push his legs back even farther, opening his ass wide..."

Hubby: "Hey, can you help me find the manual to my cell phone?"

Me: Stopping typing, looking at him like he's just ask me to go outside and wade back through ass-deep water while it's 50 degrees out and raining. "Um...I'm kinda busy right now."

Hubby: Puppy dog eyes. "I just want try to get the camera to work so I can send you some pics while I'm gone."

Me: Shoving down that voice that's threatening to sound really evil. Sigh. "Ok, but then I've REALLY got to finish this piece."

Hubby: "Thank you baby."

Me: "Um-humm, you'll think baby when my head starts spinning like the chick from the exorcist 'cause you won't leave me alone."

Here lately he's been pushing the envelope. Music is almost a necessity, but the TV is a big no-no when I'm writing. I'm so tired of Monster Garage, American Chopper, MadTV.

All freaking day long....

So not conducive to writing.

Now, he fully supports my writing, but he hasn't learned yet that I need some "office time" during the day that is just ME. He hasn't quite learned that he is as much of a distraction to me as the kiddos are. Lest you think I'm just being a bitch, well, I probably am...but anyway.

Hubby has been out of work since JUNE. Now, before you get the wild idea that he's being lazy and sitting around the house. Umm....No. He does go out and look for work nearby, and when he's not doing that, he's searching Monsterjobs and sites like that. But he seems to need the TV on in order to do any of it.

I think that with some help around the house and with the kiddos that I could have been finished with the book in August. I was there, the end was in sight....I knew I could do it if I just kept going.

Humm....almost like sex, I guess. A little to the left....

Almost....

Right there....

Oh yeah....that's it....

And then another shift...and everything you've been working toward is just gone. Leaving you feeling like you "almost" got off.

Well, I need to get my writing off. I need it to have the big O that it's been working toward for the past year.

Anyone want to babysit? 3 kids and 1 husband.

I can't promise they'll be good...only that they'll be distracting.

(sorry for the sex analogies...what do you expect from a fucking porn /erotica writer!)

Deadlines...

I've been sitting here at my desk all morning, trying to get something accomplished. I think there comes a time when you just have to walk away, take a breather, and see if anything happens when you come back. I got some emails returned, that's about it.

Deadlilnes...

Every time I look up, I see the print-outs for my various short-story deadlines. They've got big pink post-its stuck to the corner of the pages, screaming out the deadline date. Wanna see my list? (Just until March)

January = 3 different deadlines...6 stories
February = 2 deadlines...3 stories
March = 2 deadlines...4 stories

Doesn't sound like much, considering they're only 5,000 words a piece, except for one that's 15,000. But there are times that coming up with hot, steamy porn erotica is just difficult. Perhaps I'm just pressuring myself too much. Kinda like performance anxiety.

Oh, I know...maybe I just need to watch porn!!

Anyway, the deadlines do NOT include the vampire novel I'm supposed to be working on, nor does it include my work on finishing up Target (On the Edge, whatever you want to call it). I've ABSOLUTELY got to finish the vampire novel. If I don't get it done, it'll be late 2006 before it's out on the market.

Damn.

You remember that movie "Freaky Friday"? Well, my thought is that I need to run into Nora Roberts. That woman can hammer out a book in no time! Perhaps we can just switch bodies for a little while. A couple of months, then I should be caught up and good to go.

Oh wait, she's a best-selling author, an author that gets paid! I just might want to make myself comfy in her place. That would piss off her readers, lol. They'd wait a year for a new book instead of months. That, and the fact that she'd no longer be a best-selling author if I was in the saddle.

Woohoo...off to stare at my files again.

Thanksgiving...

So, today is Thanksgiving. Oh joy....

I'd love to just stay home. But I guess being with the hubby's side of the family is important, especially this year. My mother-in-law lost her mother last year and a husband and a father this year. I guess being her support this year is going to be something she needs.

Alrighty, now I must go get the kiddos dressed.

I hope that wherever you are you have a wonderful Thanksgiving! And if you don't celebrate Thanksgiving...just have a wonderful day!

What's worse than...

Wading across ass-deep water? Wading across ass-deep water when it's 60 degrees, with the cold north wind blowing at 25-30 mph, then having to work in those wet clothes.

But, pump was pulled again and hubby attached foot valve. I nearly froze my ass off waiting for all of the PVC pipe and glue to dry. Finally, it's dry enough and we wrangle the 2 sections of 100 foot pipe. By the time we got most of the pipe back down the well, my back was killing me. But, hubby gets it wired and I trudge back through all of the deep water to the electric box and flip the switch.

Low and behold......we have water. Woohoo!! My job is done and hubby says, "I knew you were good for something". I give him my most evil glare and all he can do is grin.

I come into the house and turn the water on to clear the air from the lines and with the smell of the water, I have to open the windows. I like bleach...when I do laundry...but that's it. But, being as that is the only way that we can disinfect the well, this is the price we pay.

At about 6 p.m., the water was deemed fit for use. Not for drinking just yet, but good enough to wash clothes and dishes. Never thought I'd be so happy to wash dishes.

I was able to fix our septic system problem on my own. I was able to reset everything in the control box and stop those damned sprinklers from going non-stop. Yay, for easy fixes!!

Anyways, I'm off to watch Chronicles of Riddick....I hope I like it as much as Pitch Black. Oh well, it's Vin Diesel. If nothing else, I can close my eyes and just listen to his voice.

Who the hell did I piss off?

I must have pissed someone off....God, Lady Karma, the Fates, the weather gods....someone.

Went to the funeral on Saturday. It rained. I hate being in the cemetery when it's raining. Makes me think of "The Crow". Odd, but true. It was surreal...like the scene out of a movie where everyone is standing around the coffin, crying, tissue in one hand and an umbrella in the other.

Went to the "lunch" after the funeral...held at a Baptist church. One of "those" churches, just like my Dad's. All of the little old church ladies standing in the kitchen, peeking out through the dividers, looking at the family. Plastic smiles on their faces when you catch them looking.

I didn't eat a thing. Looked at the table and my stomach turned. I bet that every dish on that damned table was made with cream of mushroom soup being one of the main ingredients. Not necessarily a problem for most people. But for me...yes. I'm allergic to mushrooms. (Although my mother frequently tries to feed them to me anyway. Feel the love.)

Came home and it was still raining. Rain at our place is a bad, bad thing. We live in a very low area, prone to flooding. We also live at the dead end of a mile-long dirt (yes, dirt, with huge potholes and all) road and you really need a 4X4 to get to us. I swear, it sounds bad, but the no neighbors thing is really cool!

Sunday morning we get up and we suddenly have lake-front property. 28 acres of it. And yet, it was still raining.

And then, joy of all joys, I flip the handle at the kitchen sink and the only thing that happens is this gurgling sound -- and no water. I call hubby away from his "Monster Garage" episode or "American Chopper", some sort of mechanical/building show....and I tell him to go check the pump and make sure that the ants aren't clinging to it for dear life. They make a habit of doing that when the water gets high.

He goes out and about half an hour later he finally comes in and says, "The pump is fucked."

I'm suddenly counting just how many bottles of water we have in the fridge and in the cabinets and thankfully, we've got enough water for a small army -- or, at least enough for 5 people for a few days. Um-humm....unless you want to count washing dishes and cooking with it. Oh boy...

Water, water everywhere -- and none of it fit for use.

School was canceled on Monday. Most of the major roads around here were flooded and closed off. The hubby couldn't get out to go get a new pump.

Then, the septic system suddenly has an alarm going off -- a very loud buzzing noise, with flashing red lights to go with it -- too much rain water covering the underground tanks. The sprinklers are going off continuously and I just know that our delicately balanced Norweco system is VERY unbalanced at this point. The reset button doesn't reset a damned thing. Calls to the service people are being handled in the order that they came in. Lovely.

Today, the water was down a bit and hubby went and bought the new pump and 100 foot of new pipe to send down the well. There was one point in pulling the old pump that hubby mentions, "we can't let this piece break off or we're screwed". As if the Fates themselves heard that, ten minutes later the pipe broke off and down the well it went. Hubby cursed and threw the channel-locks to the ground and just looks up at me with a "what's next" expression, then says, "I think it'll be ok. I just need to set some new pipe into the hose."

I just shake my head, 'cause this kind of thing is just normal, and I have this sinking feeling (one that I don't voice) that his idea is not going to work. I've paid enough attention to know that whatever we need to go right, will insist on going wrong.

Well, after working on that all day, pulling the old pump and pipe and trudging through ass-deep water, we get the new pump set. On comes the power and the pump is not pumping water. Apparently, the little piece of pipe that threw itself down the well has a "foot valve" on it.

Great.

Tomorrow, we get to do all of that shit all over again. Can't you just feel the joy that I'm radiating at this point?

I won't even go into the problems with my ISP. I'll save that for tomorrow, LOL!

Tonight, I'm sitting here going trying to get caught up on some emails, and we have another storm pass through. This one brings a tornado that skims along side the house. No real damage, some tree limbs down and some shingles missing, but otherwise not too bad.

As I'm writing this, I can hear the thunder rumbling outside again. I can only hope that this is going to end soon.

Now, I really need to figure out who I've pissed off.

I'd like to make amends :-D

Ooh, Contributor's Copies...

I just received my contributor's copies of Ultimate Gay Erotica 2005 in the mail today. I didn't expect the editorial assistant that I've been working with to get them out to me so quickly, but the doll she is, sent them to me Priority Mail.

I ripped open the box and was able to confirm with my own eyes that the cover I've had as a jpeg on my screen for months, is now hard copy in my hand.

Yes, I grinned like a damned fool!!

I was so delighted that my story was in what I see as a good place in the book. Not at the beginning. Not at the end. In the middle, sandwiched in between M. Christian and Christopher Pierce. How great is that?!?!

And they spelled my name right!!! 50 extra points to Alyson!

The book will be in the bookstores on December 14th, 2004 and is available now for preorder from Amazon.

Anyways....just wanted to share.

I'm off to go act like a writer or something :-)

(after I go drool over read my newest issue of MEN, that is)

Just passing it on...

I got this through one of my writing groups and I thought it was too important not to pass on.

Visit the Varnish Fine Art website for more information.

---

The Big Love Show: A Benefit for Paul Willis
November 13, 8:00 pm - 12:00 am
Varnish Fine Art
77 Natoma Street at 2nd Street, San Francisco, CA
Website: www.varnishfineart.com
Admission: $5 - $20

If you will be in the San Francisco bay area on November 13, I'd like to invite you to a very special - and very humanitarian - event. Our friend Paul Willis is a well-known queer writer and editor from New Orleans. He is also a longtime supporter of queer writers in his roles as Executive Director of the Tennessee Williams Literary Festival and founder of the Saints & Sinners Literary Festival, an alternative literary festival for the LGBTIQ community. This year, Saints and Sinners raised over $10,000 for the AIDS Task Force of New Orleans.

This past May, after a night out with friends, Paul walked another home. As he made his way back, he stood on a corner in front of a convenience store smoking a cigarette. A van pulled up and four teenagers jumped out and attacked him for being a gay man outside the French Quarter after dark.

In a matter of minutes, they had beaten him so badly surgeons were convinced he would lose his right eye. Despite the heroic efforts of several young women in the convenience store who rushed out to help Paul and get his attackers' license plate number, they disappeared with his wallet-and have yet to be found. Despite the efforts of a slowly reforming New Orleans Police Department to treat this as a hate crime. Despite a reward offered by Anne Rice on local television.

As for Paul, he has undergone hours of surgeries to restore his eye and his eyesight. He can now distinguish light from dark, but doctors are hopeful they can further improve his vision. The surgeries and medical bills continue.

To thank Paul and his partner, author Greg Herren, for their constant championing of queer artists, Michelle Tea, Greg Wharton, and Ian Philips are hosting THE BIG LOVE SHOW to raise money to help with his medical bills, and to raise awareness that hate crimes happen every day to people whose only crime is to exist.

Emcees: Michelle Tea and Ian Philips DJing by DanielA slide show by Sux and Elissa Performers scheduled to appear: Dodie Bellamy, Susie Bright, Patrick Califia, The Chainsaw Chubettes, Justin Chin, M. Christian, Tina D'Elia, Juba Kalamka, Kelly Kegger, Kevin Killian, Martin Pousson, Kirk Read, Simon Sheppard, Chelsea Starr, Sage Vivant, and Greg Wharton

If you wish to donate funds directly to Paul Willis, please contact Ian Philips at ian@suspectthoughts.com, or send a check or money order made out to "Paul Willis" to:

Suspect Thoughts Press
2215-R Market Street, PMB #544
San Francisco, CA 94114-1612

Bad Monday...

This is NOT a way to start off the week.

Every time I find a show I LOVE -- it comes to an end. I don't watch much TV at all. But there are certain shows that I just cannot do without. Really. It's like an addiction.

And now...

Six Feet Under is being buried. After this season there will be no more.

*goes off to sulk in a corner*

The quest for an agent...

The time has come again. I need an agent. Not because I've made the big time, but because there are houses that I want to submit to, but can't on my own. Damn that unsolicited manuscript rule. I know, I know...it keeps out alot of the crap -- but still. It's hard enough to find an agent that takes on clients that write smutty romance, but smutty gay romance?!?

Why now? Why go through this torture again?

THE major novel, that has consumed the last 10 months of my life, is coming to an end. And now, as I'm doing revisions/rewrites, I've realized that I want to have a choice of publishers to submit to.

Publisher A takes queries, which is good enough for me. Unless I think about writing them, of course. But I know I at least have the chance of them asking to see sample chapters or even the full manuscript.

Publisher B, I only accepts agented submissions unless you're going for one of the imprints. Like Pulisher A, they also offer an advance, but the royalty is a bit higher. There is also the fact that they could also make an outright purchase.

Both A & B publish smutty gay romance :-)

*sigh*

Unfortunately I've been on this "quest for an agent" before and have been turned down by some of the biggest agencies. Perhaps I had my hopes a bit too high when I submitted to Writer's House -- but hey -- can't blame a girl for trying.

So now, I'm sitting here thinking of all of the queries and cover letters I have to write, and I just want to cry. I can write anything else, but ask me to write a letter and the little wheels in my blonde brain, just cease to turn.

An editor I chatted with said, "Oh don't worry, you'll do fine. Just be brief and tell them exactly what you want".

*looks skeptical*

Yeah...sure. Brevity has never been my stong point. Just consult my 250,000 word count novels to find that out.

Telling them what I want without sounding like a complete moron? mmm' humm..........

Anyone want to write some letters?

Cute little video...

Oh my God!

I just had to share this little video. It takes a few minutes for it to load on the page, but it's SO worth it. Incredibly cute!!

But alas...

*sniffle, sniffle*

It spawned a few tears.

Help finding a name...

Does this guy look familiar? Anyone have a name for him?

I got the pic from a friend, and he thinks the guy is a COLT model.

I'm not as familiar with COLT as I am with MEN, but figured that maybe someone else might have a name.


I would be ever-so-grateful and I'd worship you forever.

Ok, maybe not forever....are the next 24 hours ok?

Not a good day....

I sat here at the desk last night monitoring websites and the TV as I tried to write. I'd done my part -- I voted -- and all I could do was sit back and watch the outcome. Needless to say, I didn't get a damned thing written. Ok, maybe just a tad....like, part of a sex scene. An angry sex scene though....so I don't know if it'll get to stay.

By 3 am...I couldn't stay awake any longer. I crawled into bed, feeling sick, depressed, and totally disgusted -- knowing deep down that Ohio was out.

Oh yeah, I woke up very pissy at 6 this morning. It didn't help that the ass hubby was walking around pointing at the TV saying, "Oh yeah, Bush is IN".

I REALLY wish I could find those darts. I'd SO nail his ass with them.

America is a scary place to be at this point. The ramifications of having THE VILLAGE IDIOT Bush as president for a 2nd term will last way longer than the 4 years that he's in office.

I'd like to crawl into a hole for a while and hide...cause that's what I'm good at most of the time...

But I just can't do it anymore.

No more hiding.

Scary Halloween Costumes

I got these through one of my Yahoo groups and they were too interesting not to pass along.

Some of these are just.......wrong!

Retired Hooters


Sheep Guy


Spider Man


Wonder Woman

Figuring it out....

I've just been opening the file for the current chapter and staring at it for the past week or so (I'll never tell exactly how long--or so-- is), not writing a damned word. I've tried opening files for different scenes/chapters and nothing comes along. I've even opened files for totally different stories...and again, nothing happens.

No spark, no words, no dialogue -- and worst of all, the voices in my head have been so very quiet. That's NOT a good thing.

Especially when I'm 30 chapters into a book and working on the ending. But, I think I've finally figured out some of the problem. That oh-so-horrid email that hurt might have actually been on que.

I printed out all of the chapters that I had of the book so far, and I went back and started re-reading. I think it's weird to read my own writing...but anyways, I digress.

I started seeing that my hero was more tainted than tortured after the fabulous mind/body fuck in chapter 24. I didn't actually want him to BE a monster -- but to FEEL like the monster.

It was as if the moment I realized it, I knew what I had to do. I pulled down my chapters from my Yahoo group (one reader caught me as soon as I did that...so much for trying to pull a fast one) and went to work.

Last night the words flowed. Scenes made sense. My Richard gave me another scene from his past that he's held private for so long. I know it was hard for him -- but it was instrumental in getting it right. So sitting here, tears flowing like there was no tomorrow, I worked on one of the most difficult scenes I've had to write thus far.

It's hard when your character hits the bottom of the barrel and you have to both take them there and bring them out again. So, at 5:15 a.m. this morning I finally went to bed, confident in the fact that a 2nd botched suicide in his lifetime was his wake-up call. But I lay awake, staring at the ceiling, shaking my head because what I'd written had been so raw and so exposed that I had a hard time shutting off the emotion from the actual scene.

I then kind of felt as if some weight had been lifted. It was as if Richard had wanted this scene to be in the book originally -- and had been trying to tell me that all along -- but that I had pulled back, trying to protect him from going through it.

I love my characters, I truly do. But Richard is so much a part of me, that sometimes it's hard to separate the boundaries of what's HIS shit and what's MINE. Sometimes it's equally hard making sure that what none of MY issues hit the page. In this case, I'm glad there is no blurring of the lines and that this issue is his and his alone.

Oh well, I guess I'm off to have another tear-filled day. It just seems to keep popping up.

Damn, I'm thinking I should buy stock in Kleenex....

Speed-reading at its finest...

Fearful that some, not yet named, author might do some story spoilage...I finished the book I was reading over the weekend. You just never know when those darn writers will tell you how the story ends. Actually, I'd have finished it anyway. I tend to do that with good books.

And books that fall off of the shelves above my head as I'm printing out pages. I believe in signs. Damn, if that doesn't say, "READ ME" I don't know what does!

Anyways, if you read the Friday post then you'll know I was reading "The Night We Met". This is the 2nd book I've read by the author and I believe I read that this one was his debut novel. I can hardly believe that. He reads like a seasoned author. (chili pepper, maybe)

I won't tell you what happens....you'll have to go buy the book. But I will say this:

It is an incredibly entertaining read. It's fast paced, witty, and there are times when Murphy's Law just takes over. (make that...alot of times). Talk about a romance where 2 people are from opposite sides of the track. But, it works-- very well. I laughed until I cried, which doesn't happen too often. Definitely a book that I'd read over and over again.

Ok...so there's my book review for the day. Like I've said before. I don't really push too many books. But here lately, I've read some great ones. I've got another name on my "List of Authors" to watch out for and I can only hope that Rob Byrnes is hard at work on another book.

I'll put a list up--eventually-- of some of the cool books I've read recently. But for now--I've got to go look at some rewrites.


Ciao'

What? and Why?.....

What the hell is this? And why is it the very first thing I thought of when I woke up this morning?!?

The dry, brown grass of the vast fields of the Savannah, teased by the gentle breeze, sways in the quiet, afternoon sun. Upon first glance, it's only dry grass, yearning for a drink of water. On looking closer, each blade bends and sways in perfect harmony with the next, as if the breeze has suddenly turned the field into a large, flowing river, taking what was first seen as something thirsting and needing, and transforming it into something so full of life. May the breeze in your writing mind be like the breeze over the fields of the Savannah; bending, shaping, flowing, and transforming your thoughts and ideas into something beautiful and alive.

Humm...I would have thought nothing of it if I'd only had that weird thought on waking once. But it's like the 3rd time. I don't know where it came from or what it means. Perhaps I'm obsessing over it subconsciously. Or perhaps I have a reader sending me subliminal vibes trying to get me to write faster.

*shrug*

Ok, so maybe it wasn't the very 1st thing...but the 2nd...the 1st thing was me getting pissed at the alarm. I mean, When you get to bed at 4...the last thing you want to hear at 6 is the damned alarm clock! Oh well, such is life.

I would have been in bed at a fairly decent hour FOR ONCE if I hadn't picked "The Night We Met" up off of the shelf. I swear I was only going to read a few pages--being that it was already 1 am, but that SO didn't happen. I wanted to keep reading, but my eyes hurt so much that I had to put it down. I guess that happens with as many hours a day as I spend reading/writing.

*sigh*

Off to work........I hope!

The AFA and Procter & Gamble

I got my copy of the Advocate in the mail yesterday. On page 19 there was a small article titled: "Religious right shelves Crest". I read through it and it wasn't a bad article. So P&G donated some money to lend support for some anti-discrimination measure. Good for them.

Then....I received an email from my Dad, something on the same subject, forwarded to him from the American Family Association. I have to say this, I love the man, but we will NEVER walk the same track.

In my original post, the one I lost while trying to publish, I posted the page from the email and had some smart-ass remarks included. Well, now I'm not in the mood for smart-ass remarks. Now, I'm just frustrated. Now I just want to sit down and cry and write nasty emails to these people. But what good would that do? Not a damned bit. These people are covered in so much shit, they'll never be clean....because it's not just on the outside...it's on the inside as well.

The email pretty much says the same thing that the info below does. I just found it disturbing and wanted to share. Here it is:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THIS ABOUT PROCTER & GAMBLE
WE INCLUDED THE PROOF!

Ad in gay magazine undeniably proves P&G's committment to the homosexual agenda.

Suppose I told you Procter & Gamble created and ran an ad that showed two men (in fuzzy focus at top center of the ad) in bed after an apparent sexual encounter.

Suppose I told you the ad showed clothing scattered across the floor like the two men were in a hurry to get undressed and get into the bed.

Suppose I told you the P&G ad was captioned with these words: "You were more concerned with taking them off than folding them up." (In other words, the two men just could not wait to get into bed to have homosexual sex.)

Suppose the ad goes on to say that you can use Downy Wrinkle Release, a P&G product, to unwrinkle your clothes left on the floor in your haste to get into bed.

Suppose I told you this ad, which leaves the impression that homosexual sex is normal, thrilling and exciting, was created by P&G and run in a homosexual publication called Xtra.

I know you would have a hard time believing me. So see it for yourself. Click here to see the ad.

There should be no doubt P&G is aggressively promoting the homosexual agenda. A company doesn't create and run an ad that leaves the impression that homosexual sex is thrilling and exciting unless they support the homosexual agenda.It should come as no surprise when P&G supports homosexual marriage.

This is the company that has aggressively come out in favor of repealing the law in Cincinnati which forbids giving homosexuals special rights, but at the same time has refused to support the Ohio Marriage Protection Amendment which defines marriage as being only between one man and one woman.

Remember, this is the company that said they "will not tolerate discrimination [against homosexuals] in any form, against anyone, for any reason." To keep homosexuals from being legally married is discrimination [for good reason] that P&G says they will not tolerate.

Book Cover....

The cover of the book where my short story is going to be published.

"Ultimate Gay Erotica 2005" edited by Jesse Grant.

It should be out in December '04.

WooHoo!!

I can't believe it...

My sister, the one who never wanted to have kids, is pregnant. But here's the funniest part!! She had an ultrasound today and she's pregnant with TWINS!!! LOL! Sometimes life is just too damned ironic.

But really, I'm so happy for her and her hubby. She's got so many medical problems that this was like a freaking miracle that it even happened. The next 8 months should prove to be quite interesting.

Oh well, just had to share.......

Working backwards....

ok, so it feels really weird to be where I am at this point. I've got 1/2 of the book finished...and now I seem to have jumped to the ass-end. I see this as both a good thing and a bad thing. Good -- because I now know how the book is going to end. Bad -- cause I've got readers waiting to read chapters in the middle.

Humm.....but at least now I know how the book is going to end!! LOL!!

*sigh*

Ok, I must step aside and let the Wendy take a bow. She has managed to get me into the plot of another story....a collaboration between the 2 of us that we've been discussing for a while.

Here I am, 6 freaking books in various stages of plot/writing...and she pops up and says, "Oh, by the way I was thinking that we could..."

*rolling eyes*

'cause I just knew what her "....I was thinking" was going to inspire.

AND...I was right!

SO, instead of writing on CURRENT BOOK, doing 20-30 pages a day.....I'm stuck with lines, plot, and devastatingly handsome hero of an entirely different story getting in the way. I should want to cry, yell, scream, pound my head against the wall to make it stop -- but all I want to do is write.

Wendy, I love ya babe! But I hope you're ready for the ride :-) It should be -- interesting!


Guess I've bored you enough for tonight......

Alot of people ask me who Zeb Atlas is. Well this, my friends, is the man. Too damned hot for words....Zeb babe, you are truly blessed!

An unhappy reader...

Ok, so he wasn't just unhappy. He was pissed. Pissed at whom? Me. Why? Cause I disappointed him with my story direction.

As a writer, I completely understand that the readers are all going to gain something different from a piece of the story. As a writer, I expect negative feedback and less than pleasant critiques...

I'll show you a bit of the letter -- not all -- but some. It just felt *gasp* personal. He startes out saying that he thought my writing was publishable...umm....thanks...kinda knew that already. But then he launches into this -- here goes:

And then I read chapter 24 yesterday and was completely revolted by it. This chapter is totally out of character and totally out of touch with the rest of the story. The only way the Richard of the first 23 chapters would have had sex with the monster Broussard would have been under the influence of drugs and he obviously wasn't. He not only voluntarily had sex with a man he detested, a man who had caused extreme pain to those he loved, but he enjoyed it, said it was the best sex of his life. You expect the reader to believe that because he was 'turned on' he forgot about everything else. The Richard you introduced us to would never have done that. That he did do that means that to me he is now a monster in the same category as Broussard. I now longer care what happens to him. I no longer want him to get back together with Ryan. I especially hope he is never even in the same county as Andrew.

Umm, this is ok to a point -- because it's his opinion and what he's personally understanding. But then there was this:

You've lost me. You destroyed the story by losing control of yourself, by going off on some extreme whim. Maybe you're the one on drugs. My friend encouraged me to go on with the story. He and another friend also nearly gave up after chapter 24. He said the story goes back to the same kind of story it was before, that chapter 24 was an aberration, out of place, overly extreme and really was a mistake, but the story does recover. Tonight I tried to start chapter 25 but after just a few minutes gave up. Your hero is now a villain to me and I just don't want to read any more about him.

And blah, blah, blah....

But OUCH! That kinda hurt. I lost alot of readers after the shift in the story...but most of them trudged along, dealing with the shit that my precious Richard had to go through. The readers who are still with me today -- they've been able to see the point in the horrid events -- or most of them at least.

*GASP*

And he thinks I'm on DRUGS! LOL! It would probably be funny if I'd had something to drink before reading it. Just kidding!

*sigh*

But anyways, for people to think that I lost control of MYSELF and got carried away.....that's a little disconcerting. I knew what I was doing at the time -- and it all made sense.

What was worse...the hubby agreed with the reader, saying that he thought he was right about the shift in the story. (Not that hubby will actually read the entire story because of all of the HOT man-sex, but he knows enough to comment on) I wanted to shoot darts at hubby's ass last night.

I know, I know -- thick skin in the writing biz. But still, it shook my newly acquired oh-so-confident feeling when writing. Am I going to wonder about everything now?

Am I going to hold back so I don't offend people? As much as I want to -- I know that is the last thing I need to do. I did it with my first book because I thought people wouldn't be able to handle the graphic content, then ending up fucking myself up completely. Now I can't even get a decent rewrite out of it without totally changing the story again.

*sigh again -- yes, I know I do that alot*

Feeling like I've shed a little blood in battle. The scar will probably linger for a long time to come -- and might even be a hindrance in the next battle.......

I've been reading more than I should...

and when I do that -- I'm not writing as much as I should.

Ordered "Trust Fund Boys" by Rob Byrnes a couple of weeks back. I put it up on the shelf, determined to read it when I didn't feel rushed with getting chapters done. I swear the damned book kept moving itself away from the others, making sure I noticed it.

I finally gave in and pulled the book from the shelf, telling myself that I'd just read a chapter and then get back to work. Seventeen parts and theories and 6 hours later, I've finished the book. So much for working heh?

The story was fun, witty, and so cleverly crafted. The characters were so very well developed and even though I wanted to choke him at times, I loved Brett! The plot is filled with twists and turns, but they're solid.

Rob Byrnes is an incredible author. I did a search and found another book written by him (Rob Byrnes, in case didn't get that the first 2 times I wrote it) titled: "The Night We Met". I've ordered it and am still waiting on the mail. I LOVE super-saver shipping but HATE the long delivery time.

I want it and I want it NOW! *stomping feet and being so very childish* I can't help myself --it's my generation. Yeah, that's a good excuse!

Anyway...you should really check the author out. I don't push too many books, but this one's worth it. Incredibly entertaining!

Just in case Rob Byrnes should ever pass through here....I bought your book dammit! -- and loved it.


*should have titled the email "How many times can I say Rob Byrnes..."

Poppers...

Went out to dinner last night evening with the in-laws. Quaint little Mexican food restaurant, family owned. I'm sitting scouring the menu, trying to figure out if I'm going to be brave and order something different this time. After failing to find anything remotely interesting, other than my normal taco salad, I put the menu down on the table. My mother in law says, "So, what looks good on the appetizers". Now me, being on a low-carb thing, I hardly ever look at the appetizer list. But tonight, I glance down and what do I see as the first thing listed?? Poppers. OMG! I must be writing too many one-handed reads because the first thing that comes to mind are little vials of amyl nitrate. Shit. I lean over to hubby and say, "Maybe they have a back room..."

He knows where my mind is—in the gutter where it normally resides, and laughs at my giggling over poppers. I should have felt bad…but it just wasn't in the cards. This is a family establishment where they encourage you to pray before you eat the meal. Those poor people couldn't have known that someone would see their oh-so-innocent way of making out the menu. Or could they? Who knows, only that it really made me laugh and gave the evening a little kick.

Hehehe, mother in law ended up getting Poppers *snickering* although I think her poppers will give her little more than a bad case of heartburt tonight when the jalepenos start a revolt.

Perhaps I've been writing one-handed reads for way too long for Poppers to be such a familiar, yet perverted, thing to me.

*sigh*

I'm off to read the rest of "Male Model".

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Ok, so here's to start the new damned blog. What happened to my old one and all of my old posts, I don't fucking know.

*sigh*

It also seems that the templates and shit have been changed as well. It took me a while to figure out the old one -- hopefully this won't take too long. So forgive me if the pages look odd ;-)

Oh well...here's to starting something new -- yet again.